I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
