I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
