The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
