I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bring me that man meat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
