I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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