this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize