When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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