I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
