That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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