don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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