"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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