Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
