I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
