That's when you crack a 10am beer
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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