i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
