my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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