Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?