sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home