She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
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I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek