My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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