she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
