the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize