he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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