it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
