I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
