Define "chronic" masturbator.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
