Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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