After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
