Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
