just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
