I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The power of my boobs compel you
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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