Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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