just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
