I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize