It's Friday. Sex?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
