he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you had me at cake vodka
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
