i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
