I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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