The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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