FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
