I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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