hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
