my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
