i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
