so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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