She said her name was "party"
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
