we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
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My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
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Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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