I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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