i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
