Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
