yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
