u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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