there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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