I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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