Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
