i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize