She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
