i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
