I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
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