i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
