oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
