you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
