cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
