my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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