Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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