I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
