Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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