then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
