I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
