Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
