Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
